Is Battling Discouragement

Winston Churchill said, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”


I choose to be an optimist. I haven’t always been an optimist, but I made a conscious choice when I was in high school not to be a negative person. I’m not sure what brought me to that epiphany at such an early age, but whatever it was, I committed myself to being an optimist. Being an optimist doesn’t mean that I don’t have difficulty, or that I turn a blind eye to the negative, it just means I look for things to be joyful about. I dig to find something good. Do I always succeed? NOPE!

I remember one time when I didn’t succeed in being thankful and optimistic. It was when my mom’s surgeon came out and told us the cancer had spread from her breast to her lymph nodes, so he had to take them. I could not find anything to be optimistic about. Cancer spreading is not a good thing after all, but if our God can turn our ashes into beauty He can change what appears to be negative into something for which to be thankful. Since my mom’s cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, her oncologist ordered her to have additional CTs and PET scan done. The results from these tests may have just saved my mom’s life because they had revealed multiple blood clots in her lungs. These clots were treated and never became a factor – all because her cancer had spread into her lymph nodes.

Today for me was a discouraging day. I became discontented. I’ve discovered that something I’ve been working toward career-wise may not happen at all. You’d think I’d be more concerned about whether my office was closing and whether or not I’d have a job! But no! I’m discouraged at work, at this house that has been under renovation for over 2 years, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to be able to do more in women’s ministry but am constricted from doing so. And just so much junk that Satan would like me to get distracted by.

I’m discontent because I like to be challenged in what I do. Unlike some, I like change. I like growing, and don’t even think about telling me I can’t conquer a challenge. Those are fighting words!

So, I sit here the second week of this Daniel’s Fast knowing God is in control of everything. Nothing happens by “coincidence,” and I’m just wondering, “Why do I feel this way?” and “What am I supposed to be getting out of all this? Is my discouragement and discontentment a tool He is going to use to make me ready for the next thing (whatever that is)? Is my discouragement and discontentment a shutting of a door?” I want answers.

There’s one thing I’ve been praying about that God hasn’t allowed to happen. I believe He is protecting me (From what? Does it really matter?), so I am trying not to be discouraged in this area.

I wish I knew what He was going to do with me. I know He has called me to ministry; otherwise, I wouldn’t have voluntarily gone back to school to get my Master’s. I wish He would tell me where I’m supposed to serve and how I am to serve in a full-time position.

I just don’t want what I do in the here and now to be for naught. I want to be challenged. I want to grow. I want more.

Waiting on God…

Trying not to be impatient…

Trusting He’ll get me there on time. (I just don’t like the “in the mean time.”)

Still under construction.