Swimsuit Trauma

It’s that time of year again…swimsuit time. I get traumatized just thinking about having to shop for one. I break out in a cold sweat. My mouth goes dry. My stomach goes into knots and not the kind that produces a six pack either. This year shopping for my daughter was a bit more of a challenge, as well, and I predict next year will be even more so. Last year I went to a local department store and tried on several swimsuits. I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience. On the way back to the office after shopping during lunch, I stopped at the red light, and I started putting up the shield that covers my dash from the sun coming through the windshield. After I put the shield up, I looked over at the person in the lane next to me, saw she didn’t have her shield up, and realized what I had just done. Thankfully, I was able to fold the shield back up before the light turned green. SERIOUSLY! I don’t know if I was more embarrassed by the swimsuit expedition or the traffic faux paux.


So this year after briefly looking at swimsuits in a local department store, I have decided to buy my swimsuit online. I prefer to buy locally to help with our economy, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Plus, if I have to try on four or five swimsuits on just to choose the least offensive, I may have to take up drinking...maybe I'd look better in the suit if I did!

Here are my dilemmas. I’m past the age of trying to be sexy in a swimsuit, but I’d like not to be hideous. I’m long-waisted which means one-piece suits don’t typically do to well. Plus, I’m critically Caucasian; pigment challenged, some might even say, “translucently white.” My swimsuit is more for function, but I’d at least like to look cute. I need to be able to chase after the boy and tackle him and not lose the girls…know what I mean, ladies? And that’s another thing, I’d like the girls to be adequately covered. Mine are of a size that they really don’t need to be pushed up, so the first thing people see is cleavage…although my husband would not complain. I'm trying to keep in mind that I have a daughter on the cusp of puberty, and I'd like for her to be modest in her appearance.

I know I should have gotten a swimsuit before now, but I find the whole thing reprehensible and have procrastinated to the last possible moment to procure one.

These are the two suits I’m considering…maybe I’ll let Patrick make the final choice.


I'm favoring this one because of it's athletic style and functionality while still being somewhat feminine.




There are actual shorts that go with this top, but I'm still a little concerned about the top. My son will LOVE the cammo!


There were a few suits that my eye was immediately drawn to and when I scanned down the page they were around $200! I about choked on my gum.


How do you choose your suit? How much are you willing to spend? What are you looking for?