Saturday, August 7, 2010

Has a Confession: I Jiggle When I Giggle

A couple of weeks ago I realized that I could no longer deny my adulthood. I am in full-blown adulthood. I know it must sound odd, but it didn't really strike me or cause me shock until I was introduced as this lady's Sunday school teacher and the director of the women's ministry at Calvary. Doesn't that make me sound…old? That's when it hit me. I've become her. I've become that woman I thought I would never be. I've become a woman who is a wife and a mother and is happy to be both. I've become the woman who has now stepped head-on into leadership. It's my turn.

Even though I'm starting my second year as the leader in women's ministry and as a teacher of women for some reason it just really hit me that I've become her. I've become the mean mom. I've become a mentor, and the one people ask for advice. I've become the woman with soft spots that jiggle when I giggle. (I am thankful I haven't become the woman who tinkles when she giggles…hehehe! I'm sure my day is coming though.) It feels as if I'm just now stepping into my stride, and to top it all off I turn 40 in September. (The number doesn't bother me.) Why is it that I'm just now hitting my stride in life? It isn't because my home is immaculate or that I have all my ducks in a row. What is it?

I realize now it is the rich tapestry of people and events that God has woven into my life that has prepared me for such a time as this. When He was creating me in my mother's womb, He knew He was creating me with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). He knew by creating me with ADHD that I would know I was different as early as third grade, and that I would float from one group of girls to the next searching for a friend that I wouldn't find until late junior high. By allowing me to be ADHD, He knew I would have to learn to get along with girls I didn't exactly care for. He knew by creating me with ADHD, I'd be able to overcome and learn to compensate therefore being able to complete many tasks and complex investigations making me successful in my first career. He knew when He was creating me in my mother's womb that He was creating me to be strong-willed. He knew my parents were capable of knocking off the edges, my husband would round off the edges, and my children would soften the edges. He knew I'd have issues with submission, and He chose my parents knowing my mom would ultimately teach me the most about submission not only to God but to my husband. God knew before the world was created who He was creating me to be at this time in my life. He has been weaving a vibrant tapestry in which I hope He is seen. This tapestry that has now culminated into a calling on my life to minister to women was known to Him before the world was formed. It is truly amazing to see how He taught me how to get along with different people at an early age, how to observe and use my gift of discernment in my career, how to submit to the authority in my life, and how to be a leader using the temperament He gave me. These things and so many more He now wants me to use in the ministry to which He has called me.

The great thing is He does it for every single person on the face of the earth. I unfortunately just figured it out for myself during self-exploration during a leadership class at seminary. I learned seven years ago that God doesn't waste anything in our lives. I just hadn't realized how He is able to weave things that appear to be so disconnected into something I would call my life, my ministry.

What is He preparing you for? What has He created you to be? What are you going to be when you grow up? Ask Him, "Search me and try me, O Lord. For your ways and your thoughts are higher than my ways and thoughts." He is faithful.


P.S. This is not to say that I have arrived because He has not finished with me yet. This was just one of those ah-ha moments for me to realize how He is using it all for my good and His glory.

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