Has a Confession

Confession is good for the soul. James 5:15-16 reads, "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Confession brings healing in many forms, so this blog is my confession.

As some of you know, I am in seminary. I know that I know that I know that I am supposed to be in women's ministry full-time. God has not revealed the where, then when or the how, but I know He will when His time is perfected. So, what am I doing in the meantime? I'm preparing. I completed three hours towards my Master's in the summer, and I am working on four hours for this fall. (I'm eager to get done.)One of my courses this semester is an online class on mentoring, and being the only Master's student in the class, I have additional, required reading that I have to blog about on the seminary's website. The book on which I blog is Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. God has put a calling in my heart for women mentoring women, and He is now equipping me and putting women into my life with that same heart and passion, so I know that a mentoring "program" of sorts is on His horizon for our girls and women. This excites me a lot. I love the definition the author of this book uses as to women mentoring women – "When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory." I just love that.

At any rate, my confession has to do with chapter two. It hits me between the eyes. It hits me in what I'm sitting in. I have wrestled with the issue of control. (Anyone else out there with the same issue?) I have learned over the years that I don't have control and that control is an illusion. When I couldn't even control my own body in order to become pregnant, when we received the call the mom had stage 3 cancer – I realized I do not have control…never did. I found there is comfort and freedom in not having control because I trust the One who knows my yesterdays and holds my tomorrows to guide me and protect me. On occasion, I have to revisit this lesson.My current issue has to do with possessiveness. My ministry, my calling, my "self." Mary when the Lord spoke to her identified herself as a servant and relinquished control of all rights to her "self" to God. She could do this because she had God's favor, His grace. "Neither her good works nor her outstanding abilities had prepared her for the mission of being the mother of the Messiah, but God's undeserved grace bestowed upon her was the power-source within her" (pg 28). Truth is this is not "my" ministry: it's His. Truth is this is not "my" calling: it's His calling on the life He has given me. When I realize it isn't about my "self" and understand He will do what He wills when He wills it, then I can breathe, not take things personally when it may feel as if I'm under attack. I can put it squarely on the One who is responsible for the ministry and the call. There is freedom and liberation by taking my "self" out of ownership of the office, the title, the ministry and the call because I know it is He who will work it all out. What am I supposed to do? Simple. I am to obey. "When a woman is absorbed with God's glory, she will interpret her life according to His truth" (pg 33) and not by what "self" requires to be validated – this would eliminate a lot of hurt in the body of Christ if we could operate in this frame of mind and heart. (Am I feeling convicted? You betcha because my purpose is to glorify God while I'm on this earth, and if I'm worried about "self" then I'm obviously not worried about being absorbed in His glory, am I?)

Psalms 86:11-12 "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever."If you struggle with the issues of control, possessiveness, "self," vanity, or ego, or if you get your feelings hurt easily, I'd like to challenge you to complete this assignment today (This is in the book on page 35). "Write the statement 'I am the Lord's servant' at the top of a piece of paper.

1. Under that statement, list any hurts, expectations, disappointments, etc. that you are struggling with
2. Now ask God to enable you to interpret everything on your list in light of His will for you. Ask Him to show you how each person, circumstance, or event is your platform to reflect the glory of His grace that has been poured into you.
3. 
   
   Ask the Father to help you discover the treasure He has for you in your" life where you live.
   His Repentant Daughter,

                                                                                                    Kristy Mullins