My son. The boy.
I'm not easily surprised. If you don't know, I investigate insurance fraud for a living for an insurance company. I've been told more lies than I can count. There aren't many things in my line of work that surprises me. I've interviewed arsonists, gang-bangers, murderers, and the like. I've taken statements in maximum security prisons. I've interviewed a man whose nervous tick was PICKING HIS NOSE when he would lie about some fact regarding his claim. I've been threatened. I've been cursed at and called all kind of names, and I'm able to smile because I know I'm pushing the right buttons. That may be why my boss says I'm mean as a snake, but I just think it's because I'm effective in my job. But for some reason, I am caught off guard by one little six year old in my house – my son.
There are things I never had to tell my daughter that apparently I should have told my son.
- We don't eat "mud" from the backyard where the dog is.
- Don't eat the dog's food.
- Do not put things up your nose.
- Do not jump off the sofa onto a pillow that is on a hardwood floor.
- Don't climb the twelve-foot ladder that is just propped up against the fence.
- Don't pick on someone who is bigger than you.
The most recent instruction I failed to tell my son was, "Do not put paper towels down the toilet;" "Don't encourage your friends to do that either;" and "Whatever you do at school, I will find out."
I didn't look in Pearce's folder one day last week because he told me he had an A. When I opened it up the next morning to clear the papers and stick the folder back into his Cars backpack, I noticed there was a note from his teacher attached to the folder. Apparently, Pearce and a couple of his friends flooded the boy's bathroom at school. I called Pearce to come to me, and I asked him what happened yesterday that sent him to see the DISCIPLINARIAN of the elementary. (I'm still perplexed how he got an "A" in conduct and still flooded the bathroom.) He then went into this spill that his friend Asa had put some paper towels in the toilet, and Pearce and another boy were laughing because it started bobbing up and down in the toilet. I'm assuming it bobbed up and down every single time they flushed the potty. Then he said, "My friends told Ms Lewis that I said, 'flush it, flush it, flush it!" I said, "Pearce, I have Ms Lewis's phone number, if I call her, will she be giving me the exact same story?" He dropped his head and said, "Okay, so I told him to flush it."
I don't care what psychologists may say. Boys are so completely different from girls and at an early age too. Pearce was barely sitting up when he took two baby dolls rammed them together making car noises. Had been taught that? NO!!! Boys are wired so completely different than girls. Body humor and body functions are intriguing to them, and they aren't afraid to get their hands dirty in Lord knows what. They want to know how things work, so they take it apart but can't get it put back together again. At one point in time, we had ten incomplete flashlights in this house. How do I know that, you ask? Because a storm hit and when we went looking for all of them none of them were still in one workable unit.
I'm sure there are other rules that I'll have to instruct him on after the fact. He definitely keeps life interesting. (And what's more, is he is the typical younger brother and prankster! He loves slapstick!) He wears me out, but sometimes I have to quickly go to my room to snicker.
I tell him all the time when he says his prayers at night that he needs to thank God over and over that He made Pearce so stinkin' cute; otherwise, he might not make it to see the next morning!
Gotta love boys.