Friday, February 18, 2011

ADHD, Redneck, and Beauty Products – Do I Need to Say More?

This week I had an opportunity to speak to a room full of sweet women, and as I started talking I was taking off my make-up. I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces. As I explained I'm part redneck, and rednecks have ingenuity when it comes to taking an ordinary item and making it useful for something else. Like when my Uncle Val Ray's min-pin (miniature pinchure) broke it's leg. My Uncle Val Ray set the leg himself and took two paint sticks and duct tape those sticks on either side of that dog's leg. It was funny to watch that little dog run swinging that paint-stick legged around, but he was still able to run with the big dogs.

So as I was doing my introduction my ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and Redneck came together and took me to a place I hadn't planned on going. For example, I can't afford all those fancy treatments like chemical peels, lasers, derm abrasions and such, but I have noticed an age spot (a small brown spot) on the right side of my nose, and I wondered what is on the market that I could use. This is where my musing went redneck. Have you ever seen those Crest White Strips? I wonder…if I were to cut a circle out of one of those strips and put it on my age spot would it lighten it? And if that works, I may have to try it on a few freckles. Then I noticed the beginning of crow's feet (those nice little wrinkles at the edge of your eyes). What could possibly stretch those out? BREATHE RIGHT STRIPS! They are strong enough to hold your nose open for you to breath at night surely it's strong enough to hold my crow's feet smooth.

Then I'm starting to have lines on my forehead that are cleverly covered by my bangs, but I wonder what product on the market could a redneck kind of woman try in order to get rid of those lines. Do you have an idea? Is there calk for skin?

I'm also starting to have a little sag under my chin and jaws, and I refuse to order one of those things that looks like a jock strap.

Of course all of this is in fun. PLEASE DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME, but if you come up with some ideas, I'd love to hear them. I may use them the next time I'm asked to speak on transparency. Hahaha!

And let me assure you, I did have a point to all of this nonsense. If you read my prior blog, you will see how it all came together.

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