Wants to Know, “Are you ready to be a Mentor or Mentee?”

Do you know what makes a good mentor great?

• Being authentic – Be real. Be the woman God created you to be. Be willing to share your flaws and how God is working in your life. Be willing to share how God's grace pulled you out of a similar situation. When a young woman comes to her, shares her heart, and you have a similar story and you fail to share it – SHAME ON YOU! God is sending this young woman to you in order for you to give the glory to God, and here you are holding in the glory meant for Him because of your vanity and pride or fear. Shame, shame. Mentors are not perfect: they are forgiven. One more thing – when we are willing to share our vulnerabilities with another woman, she is more likely to open up and share more with you because this is how trust is formed. By sharing the ugliness that God has redeemed, that young woman realizes you won't be judging her for where she stands now. AND ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
  

  
   

• Being filled with the Holy Spirit. In Luke 2 the Bible said Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. There is no better way to encourage another woman than by being filled with the Holy Spirit and speaking the words that He gives you to speak into the life of that young woman. When we operate out of our own ability the results are humanly attainable, but when we operated inside God's ability and guidance, then anything is possible. Luke 2 says, "For nothing is impossible with God."
  

 

• Being humble. Elizabeth asked Mary why she had chosen her to be the one to receive the honor of her visit. When the world around Mary probably didn't believe her story, when her fiancé wanted to put her away, when Mary needed a mentor, she went to Elizabeth who was humble and accepting. How do you receive others? Do they feel or see God's love in you?
  

 

• Being encouragers. Elizabeth encouraged Mary in her faith in verse 45. Being the person in a woman's life to say, "God is going to get you through this. You can make it"-- instead of condemning as many might.
  

 

• Being approachable. Do women feel they can come to you and not be judged? Or are you all business? Are you cynical and harsh? Are things black and white, right and wrong without any room for compassion? Ladies, we need to get over ourselves and ask God to allow us to see others through His eyes. Thank goodness He doesn't see me through the harsh lens of right versus wrong, but rather He sees me through the blood of His only Son standing as His redeemed daughter.
  

Do you know what can prevent a woman from being a mentor?

    Divorce? No.

    Affair? Nope.

    Addiction? Not hardly.

    Abortion? No, ma'am.

    

    The answers are:

1. Unrepented sin – It is important that mentors have dealt with their "stuff" -- whether the stuff is sin or other issues -- before they begin to mentor another woman. I encourage every woman to journal because sometimes we don't see God's hand moving in our lives until we have moved through the difficult time and look back. It also allows us to see how there are natural consequences to our sin, especially unrepented sin.
   

   
    

   Sin puts a wall between us and God. Remember we needed the cross to break down that wall and receive redemption that's eternal, but we can still be outside of God's will as Christians.
   

   
    

2. Unforgiveness – Unforgiveness means we don't have a contrite heart because we are choosing to make ourselves more important than obeying and submitting our fleshly wills to God's instruction.
   

   
    

   When we forgive, we grow in depth in our spiritual relationship by leaps and bounds.
   

   
    

   There are a few quotes from Spiritual Mothering that I really like. "Protection is a fruit of forgiveness." We are protected because we are submitting our will to God, and we are under His protection.
   

   
    

   "A woman who has not dealt with her hurts in her life and forgiven those who have offended her will have roots of bitterness and anger that will render her ineffective in entering into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory."
   

   
    

   "Refusal to forgive puts us under the domination of the person who has offended us, and that enslavement robs us of the freedom to have healthy relationships."
   

   
    

   And my favorite is, "Forgiveness is a life-style of grace." A life-style of grace – oh that I might live a life-style full of grace.
   

 

Unforgiveness is something you choose to pick up every morning when you get out of bed along with any other sin or problem like guilt or worry.

    So, where do you stand? Are you ready to mentor or be mentored? Have you dealt with your stuff? Do you need encouragement to get through your stuff? Are you ready for an authentic, real relationship with a godly growing woman? Let me know.

Has a Heart for Mentoring 101 – Lesson 1

As many of you know, I'm working on my Master's at seminary, and this semester my online class is "Women Mentoring Women." There are other women in the class, but as a part of the Master's curriculum, I have additional reading or assignments. The additional reading for this class is Spiritual Mothering by Susan Hunt. OOOOH! It was so good. I loved reading it and soaking in it and learning from it. I highly recommend this book to those interested in mentoring.

My lesson this morning was on mentoring. I know this is something God has been leading me to for some time for the women at Calvary to participate in, but He hasn't been in any real great rush…ya know what I mean?

Part of my assignment this past week was to come up with some advice considering 1 Timothy and the way Jesus mentored the disciples, and this was my answer:

We must be an example and a reflection of our Father. We must have an intimate, growing relationship with Him in order to be an example to others in...

• how we speak  -- the words we choose and the tone in which we say them choosing to admonish in love and compassion (After all, Jesus admonished Peter in love when they were away from everyone asking Him three times if Peter loved Him.)
  
• how we live -- sharing our lives transparently and spending time with those we mentor (this includes admitting our failures and what we learned from them)
  
• how we love -- our husband, our children and others
  
• how we believe in our faith -- teaching the mentee lessons we have learned and are currently learning being sure to ask questions of the mentee to prompt them to participate and grow as well
  
• how we maintain purity -- by showing mentees how to have time alone with God and how to cultivate that intimate relationship with Him.
  

Are we perfect people? If we were, we wouldn't be dying in need of the cross. But to mentor means we allow other women into our lives, live transparently before them and show them God's grace in our lives.

If you had a sixteen year-old daughter who came to you and said she was pregnant, what would you do? I have not had that experience. My daughter is only 9, and I don't dare say that I won't ever be face with this because she hasn't made it to adulthood. OR what if your teenage son said his girlfriend was pregnant? I can only begin to imagine the stress and tension in the relationship and in the home. Now what if you lived in a country where girls her age could be stoned or put away for getting pregnant out of wedlock. There are places that is happens. Now ladies, what if your daughter told you the Holy Spirit had come upon her and that is how she became pregnant. Think about the strain and stress that would happen in the household.

Mary was young, unwed and pregnant. She was living in a time where abortion was not an option. She was living in a time where she could be put away or severally punished. Her reputation was obviously at stake. We don't know what happened in her home with her mom. We don't know if her mom believed her. We know Joseph didn't. We don't know if she was ridiculed or if she even told anyone, but what we are told is she went to see Elizabeth. In Luke 2, Elizabeth who was and barren and beyond age-bearing years was now pregnant. She was six months pregnant when Mary made her presence known. The Bible said the baby in Elizabeth's womb leaped and then Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. Elizabeth as a mentor was filled with the Holy Spirit. Then next words out of her mouth are, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!" (Vs 42). Do you think those words were like a balm to Mary's heart? Elizabeth is encouraging Mary. She is believing and knowing that God has worked a wonder in Mary's life. How did she know? Because she was filled with the Holy Spirit!

Something else I want you to consider is in verse 38. When Mary was told by the angel all that was going to happen, she said, "I am the Lord's servant." She took the control of the reigns and any possible desire to possess this moment, this baby and placed it squarely at her Lord's feet. She knew she didn't have possession of this event. She knew she wasn't in control. She knew this was God's baby to rock. Ladies, when we release our need to control and our need to possess what occurs in our lives and in our relationship and place it all squarely at the feet of Jesus, there is liberation and freedom like you have never known. Things and people who would normally hurt you, you simply pass on to God allowing you to be able to continue to serve God, honor God and love God's children as He instructed. Lord, May I be so bold as to say, I am your servant.

In the book Spiritual Mothering, Mrs. Hunt makes the point that mature women "must be willing to allow a younger woman to look into her life and learn from it." Does this mean you have to be perfect? PLEASE! What it means that you have to be willing to open your life up to another person for them to see how God's grace has affected you. We have to be real. As one of my friends said "authentic." As mentors, we must throw away our fear of being judged, fear of being found incompetent, or fear of being rejected. If God brings a young woman into our lives who shares a heavy burden with us and we don't share that we have been there too and show them how God's grace worked it out in our lives then SHAME ON US! Satan is using your fear to impede the work God wants to do in your life as well as in the lives of the women around you. SHAME ON YOU! God did not give us the gift of timidity or fear. Time to get your big girl panties on, slap fear in the head, and show that young woman what it's like to live a victorious life because of God's grace. Ladies, if God brings a woman to you for you to share your story, THERE IS A REASON, and if you will just be obedient, that young woman will find you to be sincere and authentic, and she is more likely to come to you again and again with her burdens. And isn't that what we want as mentors?

Will there be times when the person we are mentoring rejects the words we have spoken? Good chance, but is that your problem? Nope. It's God's. That's why every time before you meet with your mentee you need to be meeting God, seeking His face, reading His Word because you don't know what situation or problem the young lady is going to bring up, and there is simply no way to prepare. BUT, if the Holy Spirit is upon you, He will give you the words to say. We are not to try to control the relationship or the outcome for those are from the Lord.

I did not EVEN begin to cover the subject adequately, but I'm totally okay with that because we had some great discussion and some wonderful time encouraging one another.

Over the next few weeks, I'll blog the rest of my lesson. Can you tell I'm passionate about this? We have missed a whole generation of women who are now in high school and college and starting careers – these women need "truth sayers" in their lives. The world is giving them version of the truth, and they hear it loud and clear. We need to be obeying our Father and speaking His Truth into their lives. Now is better than never.

 

His Daughter,

 

Kristy

Has a Confession

Confession is good for the soul. James 5:15-16 reads, "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Confession brings healing in many forms, so this blog is my confession.

As some of you know, I am in seminary. I know that I know that I know that I am supposed to be in women's ministry full-time. God has not revealed the where, then when or the how, but I know He will when His time is perfected. So, what am I doing in the meantime? I'm preparing. I completed three hours towards my Master's in the summer, and I am working on four hours for this fall. (I'm eager to get done.)One of my courses this semester is an online class on mentoring, and being the only Master's student in the class, I have additional, required reading that I have to blog about on the seminary's website. The book on which I blog is Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. God has put a calling in my heart for women mentoring women, and He is now equipping me and putting women into my life with that same heart and passion, so I know that a mentoring "program" of sorts is on His horizon for our girls and women. This excites me a lot. I love the definition the author of this book uses as to women mentoring women – "When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory." I just love that.

At any rate, my confession has to do with chapter two. It hits me between the eyes. It hits me in what I'm sitting in. I have wrestled with the issue of control. (Anyone else out there with the same issue?) I have learned over the years that I don't have control and that control is an illusion. When I couldn't even control my own body in order to become pregnant, when we received the call the mom had stage 3 cancer – I realized I do not have control…never did. I found there is comfort and freedom in not having control because I trust the One who knows my yesterdays and holds my tomorrows to guide me and protect me. On occasion, I have to revisit this lesson.My current issue has to do with possessiveness. My ministry, my calling, my "self." Mary when the Lord spoke to her identified herself as a servant and relinquished control of all rights to her "self" to God. She could do this because she had God's favor, His grace. "Neither her good works nor her outstanding abilities had prepared her for the mission of being the mother of the Messiah, but God's undeserved grace bestowed upon her was the power-source within her" (pg 28). Truth is this is not "my" ministry: it's His. Truth is this is not "my" calling: it's His calling on the life He has given me. When I realize it isn't about my "self" and understand He will do what He wills when He wills it, then I can breathe, not take things personally when it may feel as if I'm under attack. I can put it squarely on the One who is responsible for the ministry and the call. There is freedom and liberation by taking my "self" out of ownership of the office, the title, the ministry and the call because I know it is He who will work it all out. What am I supposed to do? Simple. I am to obey. "When a woman is absorbed with God's glory, she will interpret her life according to His truth" (pg 33) and not by what "self" requires to be validated – this would eliminate a lot of hurt in the body of Christ if we could operate in this frame of mind and heart. (Am I feeling convicted? You betcha because my purpose is to glorify God while I'm on this earth, and if I'm worried about "self" then I'm obviously not worried about being absorbed in His glory, am I?)

Psalms 86:11-12 "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever."If you struggle with the issues of control, possessiveness, "self," vanity, or ego, or if you get your feelings hurt easily, I'd like to challenge you to complete this assignment today (This is in the book on page 35). "Write the statement 'I am the Lord's servant' at the top of a piece of paper.

1. Under that statement, list any hurts, expectations, disappointments, etc. that you are struggling with
2. Now ask God to enable you to interpret everything on your list in light of His will for you. Ask Him to show you how each person, circumstance, or event is your platform to reflect the glory of His grace that has been poured into you.
3. 
   
   Ask the Father to help you discover the treasure He has for you in your" life where you live.
   His Repentant Daughter,

                                                                                                    Kristy Mullins

Has a Love Letter from Your Father

The Lord has been sending sweet verses my way lately. I write them down on 3*5 cards that are spiral bound, and I keep them in my purse. I can pull it out and meditate when I have a moment, and some of these verses are the ones that came together for this letter. I do not quote the verse verbatim, but I try to convey the heart of the verse and how He speaks it to my heart. Hope it blesses yours too.

 

Dear Sweet Daughter of Mine,

    You are and forever will be my baby girl no matter your age or size, no matter your stage in life. You are mine. You are forever in my hands, in my arms (John 10:28). I won't fall asleep holding you: I will keep the sun off your face: I will keep the moon at bay so you can sleep. I will protect your very life. I am fierce when it comes to protecting and guarding you (Psalms 121:1-8). When you are anxious, I will hold you and quiet you down with my love, and I'll sing over you much like a new mother sings a lullaby to her baby. --Do you hear me singing over you? If not, stop a moment and listen. -- I take great delight in you and in doing for you because I am your God, your Father (Zephaniah 3:17). When you lie down, you don't have any reason to fear. Your sleep will be sweet (Proverbs 3:24). When you are troubled, I will surround you with my songs of deliverance (Psalms 32:7), can you hear them?    

Sweet girl, these things you are going through are temporary, and I promise you will get so much more out of these trials than you can ever imagine (Romans 8:18). What you see with your eyes is not what I see with mine. I see the growth that will come and has come through your life as a result of rain from heaven (Is 55:8-11). And when it seems more than you can bear, remember, I'm still here (Deuteronomy 31:6).

I am here to fix your broken heart. It isn't damaged beyond repair. I promise. You don't have to keep yourself bound to the pain any longer than is necessary if you will allow me to have it and to do with it as I see fit. You can be free of it today, just give it to your Daddy to handle. Will you? I'm ready to produce in you beauty for the ashes in your life and gladness to replace your mourning and sadness (Is 61:1-3). Is it no wonder that laughter is to follow weeping and dancing after mourning (Eccl 3:4)? I created you to have an abundant life (Jn 10:10), so arise, my love, feel my breath I give to you freely (John 20:22).

    My beautiful daughter, I want to see you dance! When I restore you (Psalms 23:3) I want to see you twirling around, moving and swaying with the song I've given you to sing (Psalms 30:11-12). I want to hear you sing. I want to hear you sing the new song I've given to you (Psalms 40:3). I want you to fill you with joy (Psalms 4:7), and I want to give you every good and perfect thing (James 1:17) for I am

 

                                Forever Your Father

Says, “You Have Something on Your Face”

My beautiful, smart, strong-willed son met the disciplinarian of elementary school on his second full day of school. Yes, the SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL! He did not get taken into her office though. She told him he wouldn't like going into her office, but she lectured him in the hall. Hopefully enough to make a good impression on a certain kindergartner. I tell you this because as part of his punishment at home, he lost his electrical privileges – no TV and no CD player for most of the weekend. On Saturday, he was outside playing when I called him into supper. Pearce made a bead line straight to the bathroom – BTW, THIS IS NOT THE NORM. I met him coming out of the bathroom. He had changed clothes trying to hide the evidence, but it was still splattered all over his face and hair and smeared on his arms and legs.

"Pearce, what were you doing outside?"

"Nuffin. Just playin."

"Why did you change clothes?"

"I was hot and sweaty."

"Pearce, did you get into some paint?"

Pause. "Yes, ma'am."

"What did you paint?"

Another pause as if wondering what to confess to. "The gate."

We went and ate supper, but he barely ate a thing. I put him in the tub and scrubbed and scrubbed, but the paint just wasn't coming off.

My husband lay down in the bed with Pearce that night and started asking questions about his "paint job." "Son, did you paint my four wheeler?"

Surprised and shocked, Pearce said, "No, sir. I wouldn't do that." And then he confessed to another item he painted. Come to find out Pearce had also painted some of the driveway, the house, and a few other things.

"Pearce, did you use the paint in the white can or the black?"

"Black." Patrick looked up at me and said, "That one's oil-based." (For those of you who don't paint, the oil-based paint does not come off.) Pearce wore his paint to school for the next week.

He is so clever. I know he's just being all boy, but as I was thinking about this whole incident it paralleled sin in a Christian's life. Our sin starts with one thing like Pearce's conversation with the disciplinarian, but often leads to another which can sometimes seem totally unrelated like Pearce's paint job.

Then we try to change or "fix it," so we don't get caught, but God always sees. We are wearing the flakes of sin all over our face but our clothes look fine. We think what we are showing the world is nice clean clothes, but people in the world aren't stupid. They know. They see. They see us wearing our sin and trying to hide it. How are we any different than they are? Instead of trying to conceal our sin, why don't we confess it and be honest. Got a problem with honesty? Got a problem with eating? Got a problem with spending too much? Got a problem with keeping someone's trust? Got a problem with being critical? Got a problem with being exclusive and judging others? Trust me, everybody else knows. It's all over your face. If you don't think so, look at your girlfriend, can you see her sin on her face? Living a life that is pleasing to God, living a life that is transparent showing "warts and all," and learning how to receive forgiveness and overcome – now that's what the world needs to see more of. That's what our government needs more of. That's what our churches need more of. Let it begin with me.

Has More Words from your Father

This past week, I've had to deal with some things, and some of it involved my pride. I tripped on it.

Spending time with God in the quiet seems to be more and more difficult to find which means I need it more now than before. He is always so faithful to stay, to love, to be by my side. These are the words He spoke to me, and the words I read to the ladies of Calvary's Women IN Ministry. Apparently, some of them were dealing with their own stuff and needed a word like I did.

Dear Daughter of Mine,

    You are my precious daughter, and you are the apple of my eye (Ps 17:8). Everything you are going through or dealing with I know about because I have hemmed you in from the front and the back (Ps 139:5). That thing you carry in your heart, that problem, that burden, that situation – do you not realize I can do more, immeasurably more than you ask (Eph 3:20)? And no matter what is happening, I want you to behave as I would (Phil 1:27). You need to imitate me, your Father (Eph 5:1). It's easy to get hurt or be hurt, but if you are doing my will, sweet child of mine, then it's not about you, it's about me, and I can handle it because you aren't fighting against flesh and blood (Eph 6:12). Girl, this battle isn't yours. It's mine (2 Chron. 20:15).

    Just keep your focus on me, sweetheart. It's not easy being the daughter of the Almighty King. I understand. It requires you to look after the needs of others and serve with humility (Phil 2:4) and not complain (Phil 2:14). I want to hear you building others up, being compassionate, and forgiving (Eph 4:28, 32). You need to trust that the reward is great; after all, you are an heiress (Rms 8:17) to me, Your Father, who has cattle on a thousand hills (Ps 50:10) – that means I'm loaded. I can meet your needs (Phil 4:19). You need to realize and believe I'm going to work it all out for your good and my glory (Rms 8:28), so don't be anxious for anything just be grateful and talk to me. I want to hear you, to give you peace, and to guard your heart from being hurt (Phil 4:6-7).

    You are my daughter, and even if you don't know where you are going in life or in this ministry, I do. I will lead you and guide you even when you can't see around the next bend, and when things seem dark, I know what is going to happen, and I am preparing the way (Is 42:16). And even if you think you know the plan, trust me, I'm the One who has laid out your footsteps (Prov 16:9). I won't leave you, precious one, or abandon you (Heb 13:5). You mean too much to me.

                                    Your Father

Has a Confession: I Jiggle When I Giggle

A couple of weeks ago I realized that I could no longer deny my adulthood. I am in full-blown adulthood. I know it must sound odd, but it didn't really strike me or cause me shock until I was introduced as this lady's Sunday school teacher and the director of the women's ministry at Calvary. Doesn't that make me sound…old? That's when it hit me. I've become her. I've become that woman I thought I would never be. I've become a woman who is a wife and a mother and is happy to be both. I've become the woman who has now stepped head-on into leadership. It's my turn.

Even though I'm starting my second year as the leader in women's ministry and as a teacher of women for some reason it just really hit me that I've become her. I've become the mean mom. I've become a mentor, and the one people ask for advice. I've become the woman with soft spots that jiggle when I giggle. (I am thankful I haven't become the woman who tinkles when she giggles…hehehe! I'm sure my day is coming though.) It feels as if I'm just now stepping into my stride, and to top it all off I turn 40 in September. (The number doesn't bother me.) Why is it that I'm just now hitting my stride in life? It isn't because my home is immaculate or that I have all my ducks in a row. What is it?

I realize now it is the rich tapestry of people and events that God has woven into my life that has prepared me for such a time as this. When He was creating me in my mother's womb, He knew He was creating me with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). He knew by creating me with ADHD that I would know I was different as early as third grade, and that I would float from one group of girls to the next searching for a friend that I wouldn't find until late junior high. By allowing me to be ADHD, He knew I would have to learn to get along with girls I didn't exactly care for. He knew by creating me with ADHD, I'd be able to overcome and learn to compensate therefore being able to complete many tasks and complex investigations making me successful in my first career. He knew when He was creating me in my mother's womb that He was creating me to be strong-willed. He knew my parents were capable of knocking off the edges, my husband would round off the edges, and my children would soften the edges. He knew I'd have issues with submission, and He chose my parents knowing my mom would ultimately teach me the most about submission not only to God but to my husband. God knew before the world was created who He was creating me to be at this time in my life. He has been weaving a vibrant tapestry in which I hope He is seen. This tapestry that has now culminated into a calling on my life to minister to women was known to Him before the world was formed. It is truly amazing to see how He taught me how to get along with different people at an early age, how to observe and use my gift of discernment in my career, how to submit to the authority in my life, and how to be a leader using the temperament He gave me. These things and so many more He now wants me to use in the ministry to which He has called me.

The great thing is He does it for every single person on the face of the earth. I unfortunately just figured it out for myself during self-exploration during a leadership class at seminary. I learned seven years ago that God doesn't waste anything in our lives. I just hadn't realized how He is able to weave things that appear to be so disconnected into something I would call my life, my ministry.

What is He preparing you for? What has He created you to be? What are you going to be when you grow up? Ask Him, "Search me and try me, O Lord. For your ways and your thoughts are higher than my ways and thoughts." He is faithful.

 

P.S. This is not to say that I have arrived because He has not finished with me yet. This was just one of those ah-ha moments for me to realize how He is using it all for my good and His glory.